Last Angry Words
by snchills
Summary: Dean and Sam say things they would later regret.


Authors note: I guess I'm kinda obsessed with this scene since I've written it in two other stories as well. Each one has a different version of what happened, but of course the outcome is always the same. They've hinted about what really happened but chances of us actually getting a flashback scene are probably pretty slim. Just imagine the angst and emotion of that scene if they ever decide to do it. Kripke please feed us angst junkies.

OooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

"Don't you know that every time you tell me you want to me normal it's like a knife through my heart. Everything I am, everything I hold true you tell me you hate when you tell me all you want to do is have a _normal_ life. Do you even hear yourself? Do you know how that makes me feel Sammy? Ever time you bitch about wanting to be normal you it's like you're letting me know how much you hate me and what I've chosen to do with my life, and I did choose it Sammy, Dad isn't forcing me. The irony is Dad is constantly telling me how I don't measure up, that I need to shape up, criticizing me as well. I know he's trying to keep me safe, trust me I get it, but damn it, just once, I want to hear him say 'good job'. Do you think that is too much to ask? From either of you?"

"What do you mean 'from either of you', Dean?" Sam asked not sure what his brother was getting at.

"You Sammy, you act just like Dad. Both of you so sure that I will be there to pick up all the messy pieces of your lives and who is there to pick up mine, huh? Look around Sammy no one. Always criticizing me when I didn't get you to school on time, or didn't help you with your homework, or didn't do the laundry or what ever you were bitching at me about at that moment. Who did my homework, who made sure I got to school on time, who did my laundry? Me Sammy ME. Dad wasn't around so I had to make sure you go to do all the _normal_ things you wanted to do even when Dad expressly told me you weren't allowed to do it. Like that spring dance your sophomore year, or all the times I let you skip out on training so you could work on some school project. Who took the heat when Dad found out about it, ME?

You got to go to your high school graduation. I spent mine crawling out of a grave trying not catch on fire after Dad threw a lit match down on some old guys bones. He was so busying he didn't notice I was still down there and when I jumped up all he could do was yell at me for not getting out of there sooner. If it weren't for me you wouldn't be having these dreams of having a normal life, you wouldn't even know _normal_ existed, so I guess the joke is on me. I tried so hard to make things right for you, to give you what you wanted and now you're gonna use it against me and just sneak off."

"I wasn't sneaking off." Sammy stammered, horrified that he may have hurt his brother unintentionally. He just was trying to avoid their father and all the drama that was sure to ensue the minute John found out Sammy was leaving.

"The lights are out, Dad's gone and it's the middle of the night Sammy. Just what the hell am I suppose to think, that you're making a burger run. Yeah you need a duffle bag full of everything you own to pick up some Big Mac's." Dean seethed, gesturing to the duffle bag on the floor. Sammy stared down at the floor unable to look his brother in the eye.

"Dean….." Sammy tried to talk, tried to explain but the words were stuck halfway between his head and his heart. All he ever wanted he was about to have and the only thing, no the only _one_ standing in his way was his brother. Fear, pain, loss, anger and betrayal all reflected on Dean's face when Sam finally looked up at him.

"Dean please…..you always are telling me all you want for me to be is happy. Well this is gonna make me happy. It's all I've ever wanted. Hunting, you, and Dad, that's what you want to do. That works for the two of you, but it doesn't work for me, not any more and may be it never did. I never wanted to live that life and you know it. Why is it so hard for you to understand that this is who I am, not what you and Dad are…." Sammy started to explain.

"And what is so wrong with what me and Dad are? We're hunters, and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm sorry if you are and I'm sorry if you think we don't measure up to what you think we should be as a family but you know what, go to hell if you don't like it. Better yet maybe you _should _leave. If you're so all fired up to take off then just go. Dad and I will be better off without you." Dean said angrily to his brother.

"You don't mean that Dean." Sam stammered, tears welling up in his eyes.

"The hell I don't. You don't want to hunt and you sure as hell don't want to be a hunter, so go ahead, leave! If we're not good enough for you in your white picket fences and apple pie world then just leave. Dad and I will get along just fine without you. It's not like I haven't been picking up the slack for you for years now anyways."

"Dean…….."

"Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out Sammy." Dean said as he opened the door. Sam reluctantly picked up his duffle and shouldered it. He rushed past Dean and down the steps before turning around to face Dean.

"What are you going to say to Dad when he gets home." Sam asked looking up at Dean.

"I'll think of something. What do you care, you're getting what you want?" Dean crossed his arms trying not to let his voice quiver. It was getting harder to keep up the façade. Sammy was truly leaving. His little brother was actually taking off. Dean was really being left behind and it felt like a knife deep in his heart. He had to stay strong. He had to keep playing the bad guy. If he didn't, he knew Sam would stay with them and be miserable for the rest of his life. Dean pulled out his last final deadly weapon of words.

"And when you get to Stanford and you're living your nice _normal_ life, don't bother trying to get in touch with us. I think it will be better of all of us if you just stay gone like Dad said you should." Dean said remembering the fight earlier in the day when John found out about Sammy's scholarship.

"Dean you can't mean that…I mean god……..Dad I understand, but you, I know you can't mean that. Sam said desperate for Dean to take back his painful words.

"I said 'em and I meant 'em Sammy boy. Now you'd better get going before Dad gets home." Dean said standing back in the doorway.

"See ya around Sammy. Take care of yourself." And with that Dean slammed the door behind him. Sam stood stunned at the bottom of the steps staring at the door, praying for it to reopen. Praying for Dean to say he was sorry and to beg him to stay. Every moment it stayed shut Sam's heart sank further and further. Finally he turned around and walked off towards the bus station with tears streaming down his face.

Inside, Dean sat on the floor, his back against the door. His heart pounding furiously as what was left of his anger ebbed through him and was replaced with pain. It was all he could do not to fling the door open and chase after his brother.

"What have I done?" Dean cried burying his face in his hands. He had to get himself together. John was going to be home soon and Dean knew he was in for the fight of his life with his father when John found out Sammy had actually left. Of course John would blame Dean and Dean knew he could take it, he had to. Sammy had to be allowed to have his chance at normal. For Dean it was worth any price, worth any recriminations from his father. His little brother was finally going to be happy. Dean's feelings were irrelevant at this point and maybe they always were. Dad, Sammy first, and if there was any happiness left, Dean would finally be allowed to have some. They were what mattered to Dean and that would have to be enough.

The End


End file.
